Catching up

Lately I have realized the value of talking with people just for the sake of it.  Connecting and reaching out to people can quickly transform acquaintances and coworkers into full-fledged friends.  I spoke with a man at the meditation center that I go to today. I am still not 100% sure what his passion is. I think he said it was about being open and available to support others emotionally or something about inspiration. But nevertheless, this guy was quite happy that I talked to him personally. I didn't say anything that special by any means. I just told him what my passion was in life and my struggle to realize it. I told him how I got onto my path. And he told me about his.

I also did a face-reading of a woman there at the meditation center. I had to tell her what I saw. I was compelled by the notion that I needed to start being more forthright with matters of the heart. I saw sadness, hurt, and shame/blame.Perhaps she blamed herself for something. Her feelings were somewhat buried under other emotions but I could tell what she was feeling inside. In any event, I was surprised that I was not ridiculed for the reading after the meditation.  I guess some part of me expected her to react negatively about being told something from a reading - an ill-conceived belief I am sure.  It turned out I was right, she was grieving over a loss of some kind.  I ended up hugging her twice and she was quite appreciative.

Oddly, despite all of this, I still feel a cold almost mechanicalness about my own feelings and actions. I guess I knew, I wasn't fully sincere about this. I wanted her to be happy, but not deeply from the bottom of my heart. I wanted to be friends with this man, but at some level I knew I was seeking to benefit from such a friendship. Some part me in the back of my mind was weighing advantages and disadvantages of being his friend. I wanted to go to group meditation because I knew it would help my insomnia. Its all well and good but these motivations are still mind-oriented, not heart-oriented. That is not the man I want to be.

I know what I have to work on.